When I look back at what I thought my life was going to be or how it was going to turn out at 18, 21, 24 and even now, I don't think I ever anticipated the things that happened. The fact that I turned out to be a functional bulimic, the fact that I've tried to kill myself twice, getting fired from a job, being too scared to date anyone to a point where I am okay with dying alone and being eaten by my cats. I never could have figured out or planned for any of it. Now, I know that this isn't necessarily any different from the live-in-the-moment schpeal that we are fed on a daily basis from everything, but I suppose my point is that planning often goes wrong. And often what you know about yourself at one point in your life will probably change in a few months time. What I want today, I won't want tomorrow and I have a thousand dreams, ambitions, goals and paths - each and every one of them - I want as badly as I want the others, if I don't achieve all of them, that's also okay. I just want a cause right now, a direction to go in right now and I truly do believe in the power of the universe that I will end up in a happy place. I mean, there is nothing wrong with planning and people probably should plan to a certain extent, but what happens if that doesn't materialise - you are going to devastated with yourself, disappointed and feel like a failure. There's no ambition in having goals like that. What you should probably do is look for short term goal and the long term stuff will happen when they happen. I mean, I'm by no means the kind of person that doesn't plan, in fact I have nothing but plans, loads and loads of them. I couldn't however tell you what my five and ten year life goals are, because I couldn't possibly choose of the thousands and hundreds of millions of options that I have which one I would choose as the focus of my attention. What I can tell you is that when I'm given an opportunity to do something I will choose in that moment and the rest will happen. I dunno... does that make sense? I'm rambling a bit. Right now, I want to get a job that I love and complete my yoga challenge (which I'm going to do right now). So those are my three week goals. Then the next goal I have to go to Thailand or India at the end of the year on holiday. That's about as much as I've got. I'm certainly not without ambition, but what I am is an opportunist and no matter what it is, if someone gives me a chance at awesomeness, I will take it. Bulimia (as a bad example, but an example none the less) gave me the opportunity to be thin and I took it. I may not be the healthiest person alive, but it gave me something that I wanted... It's the decisions that we make.
Rambling, rambling, rambling. God, sometimes I feel like the preachy mother of this online community - please feel free to tell me to shut the fucking fuck up.
Love & Opportunities
Xo Xo
2 comments:
Please shut up.
No, I'm kidding. I think that it's ok to make plans, but it's also ok for plans to change. You're in a transitional period in your life, and that's fine. There's no end destination to get to. There's just this, right now.
Lena xx
Love you and your blog..xo
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